Wednesday, June 27, 2012

That's Not Meat! Those Aren't Pants!

Nothing is what it seems. Nothing.



The Blind Spot

"That's bullshit! Total bullshit" Bloomsday is seething.  "You can't close the Society for the Blind's coffee shop. Coffee made by the blind just tastes better! I'll chain myself to the creamer if I have to. This decision, probably made by Kasich, cannot stand. He's even a corrupt asshole to the disabled! I've been buying coffee at this place since I was a kid...MY FATHER FOUND PERIODS OF SOBRIETY HERE!"


Bloomsday's audience of colleagues sips their rich, aromatic coffee, and nods in agreement, some are startled and concerned. They've never seen him this angry.

"People are such assholes.  This is the BEST PLACE ON EARTH FOR GOOD COFFEE, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT YOUR STUPID FUCKING CASINO IS OPEN."

"I don't understand," Cherry Osgood tips her horn-rimmed glasses quizzically. "What does this Society for the Blind Coffee Stand have to do with our new casi--"

Bloomsday interrupts, "It's 'your stupid fucking casino'."

Annoyed at this accomodation, she continues. "What does this coffee shop on the fourth floor of the Justice Cent--"

Bloomsday interrupts, "It's 'Elsinore Courthouse.'"

"What does this coffee shop on the fourth floor of...Elsinore Courthouse have to do with...your stupid fucking casino?  The casino is a couple blocks away.  No one passes this coffee shop on their way to the casino."

"You are correct, love. But plenty of folks might pass it when they leave."  Bloomsday points and the heads and eyes of his colleagues follow. "Through that door right there."

There is a door, a large metal door on the west wall of the coffee shop, next to the television showing The Three Stooges.

"That door is connected to the police station. Every drunk, con, crack head, thief, and their friends who bond them out could walk through that door on their way to freedom after arrest at the casino. Lotsa poor fuckers who need a cup of coffee."

"Bloomsday! We could run it!" Cherry tosses off her glasses and her pert, blonde wig.

"Yes. We could.  The Blind Spot, where casino cons and beggars get their first cup of coffee and some legal advice.  Arrestee's get their first cup free.  Cops and prosecutors pay full price."

Cherry tosses her arms around Bloomsday and smothers him with kisses.  Their colleagues, at first, amused, settle into uncomfortable.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Sunday, June 10, 2012