Total Eclipse of the Tantrum

Amonymous bookended his day with two ferocious episodes: the first arose at a morning trip to the Rainforest, where he showed fleeting interest in the kingdom phylum class order genus species of things, and, instead, fixated on a display (near the exit, mercifully) that urged patrons to stick a credit card in to donate to environmental causes.  This "game," as he called it, seemed to be the reason we came. I pulled him away from it and an unprecedented tantrum occurred. "I want to play that game!" he screamed dozens of times, kicking, flailing, refusing to be jacketed.

I med-evac'ed him to the car as he screamed and twisted in my arms.  His tone oscillated from anger to sorrow, but his volume persisted all the way home to an early nap.

The second rager occurred when Molly and I picked him up from a playdate:  he spent the evening with a cherished friend while we saw Youth in Revolt.  His gracious parental hosts had baked cookies with the kids and Amonymous quickly flamed his demands as we packed him up for home.  "I want a cookie!"  An angry, violent, tearful exit and second flailing carry to the car ensued. This episode felt more like a determined protest chant than the last. "I want a cookie! I want a cookie! I want a cookie!" his shrill screams filled the car as we drove down the foggy interstate.

In the driver's seat, I quickly vetoed any bargained or threatened response. I was looking for something more...in the moment. I wanted to make it clear to Amonymous that there was nothing he could say that would get him a cookie.  There was nothing he could do to change this outcome.

And then, through his screams, I heard the familiar keyboard opening. Was it? Yes, it was.  The perfect counterpoint to a screaming child is a screaming Bonnie Tyler.

Turn around/Every now and then I fall apart...


I turn the song up. "There's nothing you can do that will get you a cookie."

...nothing I can do, A total eclipse of the heart.


Amonymous screams louder. I reciprocate with radio volume.  "There's nothing you can say that will get you a cookie."

...nothing I can say, A total eclipse of the heart.


The song crescendos. Amonymous succumbs.

fondue giggle-fit

O'Ghoulihy Pome 01/01/10

I'd rather be O'Ghoulihy
than any other clown.
He's found the key to liberty
within this shackled town.

He speaketh truth in riddles
and with trinitarian aplomb.
He shaketh spears at hypocrites
who thinketh Claudius dumb.

I, O'Ghoulihy, arrive today
to save your souls from whoredom.
I hope and wish and dream and pray
You'll find me free of boredom.